Letting Go of Something

🏘
I was at dinner with my sister-in-law and a friend who lives in her neighborhood.
Our friend said, "You should move to our neighborhood, next to your family!"

I laughed and said no.
But I paused for a minute before I said it.
That was a first since Jason died.

Our neighborhood is amazing. I have always believed that we need to stay right here.
I love that everyone knows Jason and the awesome person he is.
I love that they have memories with him - not just me telling them about him.
I love that we have support.
I love that we have comfort and care.
I love those moments with Jason emerging from every corner.
I love that everyone watches out for Coleman. Invites him to things.

For the last two and a half years I have never considered moving until Coleman graduates from high school.
These are our people. This is our place.

Until this conversation at dinner.
When I felt myself pause before answering my friend's question.
And I considered, for a split second, how great it would also be to live near my brother and his family.

I paused and considered it.

Don't worry, neighbors! We're not moving!
There is often comfort in the place that we know.
But there is freedom in also considering other possibilities.

I decided that it's ok to let go of the "need" to stay in my neighborhood.
And stay simply because I want to.

It was a surprise to me. This brief consideration of another option.
But the surprise brings an openness with it. A calm. A strength.
By letting go of the idea that I can't leave, I leave room to choose to stay.

I might move someday. Not today.
But I'm letting go of needing to stay. I'm relaxing into wanting to stay. Choosing to stay for now. Open to what might feel right in the future.

I love you, neighborhood.
Thanks for all of it.💙✊🏼