The Headstone

🌱

I walk to the cemetery often.
It’s only 1.2 miles from our house.
Through the neighborhood then down a path.

Jason still doesn’t have a headstone.
A spindly BYU garden flag marks his place.
I go visit the cemetery, think about ordering a headstone, then walk away and forget all about it.
I believe this happens because it hasn’t been the right time to do it.
Perhaps it’s because it will feel so final.
An ending.
I’m not exactly certain.
But whatever the reason, I forget that he doesn’t have a headstone until I visit the cemetery again.

I went a few days ago.
His flag had been bent a little toward the ground.
I righted it and smiled.
“Come on, Kolette,” I laughed to myself. “Give him something better than this puny thing!”

I made it home still thinking about it.
I wrote it on my list.
Ordered it yesterday.

It wasn’t hard.
It was actually kind of fun.
I thought about what we wanted to say. What message would be important enough to us that we would want it etched in stone.
It’s a simple design.
A bench. Because I like to sit at the cemetery.
With “GO TEAM HALL” and the phrase “might as well enjoy the ride” etched on the back. They represent our family.
Who we’ve always been and who we’ll be forever.

Coleman was incredulous when I told him that I wasn’t going to put a BYU logo on it. “What??! What??!!,” he passionately declared with a grin. “Mom, you are breaking dad’s heart! No, his insides! Mom, you are breaking dad’s spirit!” he exclaimed. 😂

So the oval Y is on there.
For you, Coleman. Because you know your dad would like it. (And I like it, after all).

It won’t be ready for a couple of months.
I’ll show it to you then.
But I’m finally looking forward to it.
Excited, actually.
Perhaps I’ll feel differently when it gets placed. Perhaps it will hurt with a particular finality.
But I honestly don’t think so.
I like it.
And it reminds me of who we are.
Go Team Hall.

I like that.✊🏻💙