English Muffin

🍞

I just toasted an English muffin.
In the toaster.
It popped up.
Then I pushed down the toasting button again.
It wasn’t dark enough yet.
It didn’t have little black crusty edges.
It wouldn’t crunch in my mouth when I took a bite.
So I put it back in for more toasting.

And thought this thought, “I’ve turned into my mother.”

She liked dark toast.
I never understood it as a kid.
Why would you deliberately take it from perfect golden brown softness to dark and crunchy?

Now I get it.
Now that I’m older.
And a mother.
And a woman who has lived on this earth for almost half a century.

A little overdone just tastes better.

I have a lot of my mother’s qualities.
We’re both organized.
We are good problem solvers. Creating a plan is easy for us.
She is an excellent teacher – teaching is in my bones.
She is artistic. She creates things. That’s me, too.
We both like to learn and are perpetual students.
She can take things a little seriously but is fun when she relaxes into it. I tend to be like that, also.
She serves others in interesting, meaningful ways. Ways that really help them. I try to be like her.
She works hard through difficult stuff.
She is a believer.
Me, too.

My mom and I are not exactly the same.
I was probably born with some of our shared qualities but many were enhanced by her influence. I grew into them.

My mom taught Home Ec for years.
When I was a little girl, she sat me down at her Bernina sewing machine.
She had removed all of the thread.
She gave me some paper, taught me how to place it under the presser foot and push the foot pedal to make it go.
She told me to explore how the machine worked. Push any button. Try any setting.
The needle made holes in the paper. I could see patterns emerge.

I still remember the feeling of empowerment that my mom gave me as a small girl.
To try it.
You are totally capable.

My mom is no feminist. She would be horrified if I called her that, actually. 😂
She’s a strong woman.
She is independent and tender and full of light. She is faithful.
She is a defender. A teacher. A giver.
She was an influencer before that word was even invented.

She is a warrior.
Who likes her toast a little dark.
Mom, I get it now. All of it. 💙✊🏻