Sure of You

🛌
Coleman has never slept in our bed.
Jason and I both wanted our bed and our sleep to ourselves.
We didn’t do co-sleeping when he was a baby.
If he got up at night then I took him back to his own room.

Until now.

Since Jason died, Coleman has been sleeping in his dad’s spot.
It started innocently enough. Wanting to stick together. Support each other. “You can do it for a while,” I said. “Till school starts,” I said.

But then I liked it.
I like being together instead of spread across the house.
I like knowing he’s near me.
I like keeping eyes on him. Keeping him safe.

He calls my room, “our room.”🤦🏻‍♀️
I put two pillows between us because I like my space and he needs to stay on his side.
He doesn’t mind.
⛺️ He built a fort on his side last week.
As he fell asleep, I thought to myself, “So this is what it’s come to, I have a tent and a ten-year-old in my bed!”😂

I make him go to sleep at 8:30 on school nights. He falls right to sleep - once he stops talking.🗣
Then I turn on the light and watch The Voice or💃🏻Dancing with the Stars and read by book.

Last night he took my hand, patted it for a moment, rolled over and said, “Night Mom. Love you.”

🧸 It reminded me of this exchange from A.A. Milne’s, The House at Pooh Corner:
“Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.
‘Pooh!” he whispered.
‘Yes, Piglet?’
‘Nothing, said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw. ‘I just wanted to be sure of you.’”

I think that’s why a tent and a Coleman still get to be in my bed even though school started two months ago. We’re on our own now....and we just want to be sure of each other.
✊🏻💙