Working at 100% Capacity

😔
A couple months ago I said, “I’m still not really at 100% capacity.”

What does that even mean?
I’m deficient in my level of life liquid?
Every seat within myself isn’t taken?
I’m not filled up to the brim of my ability?

I decided I don’t really like thinking this.
For sure it felt true. 
I was tired.
I felt like I’ve been wandering in grief.
I felt less action-y than usual.

Less than 100% capable.
Less than 100% going for it.
Less than 100% into motherhood or my business.
And I’m also still grieving the loss of my person.

It’s like I have a goal of 100% of something and I’m lacking. Missing the mark.

But what if I’m actually always at 100% capacity?
What if part of me is filled with capable.
Part is going for it. 
Part is motherhood.
Part is CEO.
Part is tired.
Part is love.
Part is giving.
Part is accepting.
Part is grief.
And part is every other emotion I’m feeling at that moment.
100% filled to capacity.

The percentages change.
Maybe I’m feeling higher in motherhood and I’ve dropped a bit in going for it. Maybe I’m only 5% capable and 60% grief. Maybe I’m 80% crushing it and just a little tired.
Maybe those number are switched. 

But always I am full.
Completely full to capacity.
With whatever I feel in the moment.
I am not lacking. I’m just experiencing a certain combination of feelings.
Not less than 100%. Just a different 100%.

“I’m still not really at 100% capacity,” I said.
Yes you are, girl. You are overflowing.💙