I’m Here. He’s There.
As we get the book ready for publishing, I wanted to read the manuscript one last time before I sent it to Chris to format.
The book also includes some of the social media posts I have written since Jason passed away. Those needed the photos that I had posted as well.
I’ve been putting off both tasks.
Not reading the manuscript.
Not compiling the photos.
With our self-imposed deadlines approaching, I knew that in order for Chris to do her part, I had to do my part.
I decided to just read chapter 1-2 last weekend. Maybe if I just got started, I would be able to get it done over the next week.
Four hours later, the few edits were complete. All ten chapters were read. And a file of photos were in our shared Dropbox folder.
It was a night full of feeling emotions.
Looking at the photos.
Reading the thoughts I wrote about grief.
Going back over his stories.
The funny parts. The learning parts. The overcoming parts. The hard parts. The missing him parts.
All of it brought up feelings of sorrow and longing in the middle of the lessons and the jokes and the conquering.
As I went to bed late that night I said my prayers. I felt great gratitude that these things that were feeling hard to do were completed.
But I also recognized something else in that moment after the job was done.
During the evening, I had felt pushed along. Slightly prodded. Encouraged to keep going.
“Oh, just do the next chapter. It doesn’t take much time.”
“The photos are right there on your phone. You can get them ready.”
“You might as well just upload everything tonight. Then you’ll be done.”
It was him.
The one encouraging and pushing and helping me get those files uploaded.
It was Jason.
It’s like we’re living parallel lives.
Mine is here.
His is there.
Both surrounded by people who love us.
Both accomplishing our next thing.
Both with a conviction of purpose.
Both feeling the tangibility of peace.
Both still freely laughing.
Because life is pretty funny.
Both still missing each other.
But working together to get the job done.
