I Never Thought...

It’s 12:00 am on the dot.  I just checked my clock as I found myself awake instead of still asleep after a glorious 10 pm bedtime.  I woke up thinking about Cole.  Not worrying, just thinking.  In my mind I was seeing his mad face, where he crinkles up his forehead (click here for a photo in my previous post).  That picture in my mind then switched to his relaxed face, like the one he gets when he’s spotted one of his beloved ceiling fans.  Next came his happy face with bright eyes and a smile that keeps making more and more appearances for us these days.  Finally, I saw our favorite face of all – when he sticks his bottom lip out and actually says, “Wu-aaaah.”  I’m sure he doesn’t appreciate that all we do is laugh and mimic him when he gives us that one.This slideshow in my mind continued for about 10 minutes when I realized that I was not going to be able to fall back asleep quickly and decided to think about something else – my thoughts took a huge shift (yeah, right) and I started listing in my mind all the things that I never in a million years thought I would do once I became a mother.

• I never thought I would hear “phantom Cole cries” when he was gone visiting his Grandma.
• I never thought I would have to beat back the desire to bring a blanket and pillow into his room to sleep on the floor – just to be near him.  (Of course, I would have been kept up all night from his grunts and squeaks and throat clearing habits that he has had since day one but that is beside the point).
• I never thought I would wish for nothing more than it to be time for his nap only to long to have him wake up so he could hang out with me.
• I never thought that I would be able to notice every new change in him that happens day by day - from the fact that he needs his fingernails cut to spotting a little baby acne dot that hadn’t been there the day before to discovering a new roll in his chubby leg.
• I never thought that I would learn to put a carseat in someone else’s car properly - and in less than one minute.
• I never thought that we might actually get a child with hair that had a little body to it – that is truly a miracle in my mind that I am crossing my fingers comes to pass like we think it will.
• I never thought that there was such a thing as “formula-breath.”
• I never thought that Jason would be able to figure out so many ways to help take care of this little guy, including taking him on a walk today (without me) around the neighborhood.
• I never thought that I would actually have that elusive “mother’s intuition” kick in.
• I never thought that wet wipes would be good for so much more than taking care of a little bum.
• I never thought that I would spend so much time figuring out how big the hole in the bottle nipples should be to achieve maximum flowage with minimal sputtering and choking.
• I never thought that it would take so long for me, the self-proclaimed organized one, to figure out how to juggle motherhood and work.  That has been much tougher for me than I anticipated.
• I never thought that getting a good burp was an art form.
• I never thought I would take a baby into a movie theater (totally my pet peeve) but I admit that I did it last week.  It was the middle of the week and the middle of the day so we were the only ones there but still, I never thought I would be “that parent.”
• I never thought that even though getting a mommy break is nice and necessary, that I would miss him when we were apart even for a few short hours.
• I never thought that I would be able to fall asleep at a moment’s notice during the day – not a skill I had previously.
• And I never thought that even though the changes are hard for me to get used to, that I would already be thinking about when we are going to try invitro again.

When it comes to motherhood, I am guessing that many of you have had “I never thought…” moments in your journey.  I am also guessing that they probably never stop happening – they just change as your child grows and changes, too.How would you finish the sentence “I never thought…?”  Am I the only one out there who literally had no clue and so gets these kind of “Ah-ha” moments on a daily basis where I say to myself, “Oh, that’s interesting (or funny or frustrating or gross) and something I had never thought about before!”Now maybe I can head back to bed and get some sleep before Coleman wakes up at 4 am for a little feeding.  Maybe there will come a day when I will be able to add to my list, “I never thought that he would sleep 12 hours straight.”  I have heard that it happens but right now it seems like it’s only a myth.  Is it true or just a fantasy that you moms spread around to give each other hope?Have a great Easter weekend.  Me, Jason and our little chunker (who landed in the 95 percentile on the weight and length chart yesterday) will be having a great time anticipating the day that he will actually know who the Easter Bunny is.