A Day of Firsts

📅
The day got closer.
And closer.
Tuesday, August 20.
Goodbye summer vacation.
Goodbye trips and distractions and playing all day.

First day of school.🏫
First day of lacrosse practice.🥍

School without Dad to give him a father’s blessing.
School without Dad to see his new school supplies.
School without Dad to check out where his desk was.
School without Dad to hear all about the first day.

Lacrosse without Dad driving him to practice.
Lacrosse without Dad saying, “Coleman J! Let’s go!”
Lacrosse without Dad checking the roster, getting his headset mic strapped to his chair, wearing his whistle.
Lacrosse without Dad asking Coleman to grab his SYLAX baseball cap.
Lacrosse without Coach.

Two nights before I had found Coleman in bed, crying a little bit because he missed his dad, holding his necklace with Jason’s name stamped into it and reciting the Hall family cheer.

My heart broke.
We cheered the family cheer together.
Then cried a little bit together.
And I told him it’s ok to cry.
It’s ok to feel sad.
I feel sad, too.

And that even though it feels hard, we can do this.
We can do school and lacrosse and everything else.
And it’ll get better.

Coleman asked his Grandpa Hall to give him his school blessing.
Because he was the closet thing to having his Dad.
We felt Jason with us during that blessing.
Encouraging Coleman. Loving him.

Tuesday, August 20.
We walked into school together.
We went to lacrosse together.

Then I went to the car.
And cried.

Because his coach isn’t here.
And his dad isn’t here.

Coleman really IS going to crush 5th grade.
First day was awesome.
Old friends, same teacher from last year, he knows the drill.
“How was school?”
“I loved it!” he said.

And lacrosse practice was great.
Some things different but a lot of things the same.
Same fundamentals taught, Dad’s assistant coach taking the lead, same team cheer.
“How was lacrosse?”
“I loved it!” he said.

And I have no doubt that his dad is there for it all. ✊🏻💙 I’m really grateful I know that.

Tuesday, August 20.
My emotions were right at the surface.
I probably cried a dozen times that day.
But since I like feeling him and remembering him, it was ok. I kinda like the crying, actually.
Some days I just feel more than others.

Then the next day was better.
Because that’s how life is.

First day of school.🏫
First day of lacrosse practice.🥍
Whew. We did it, buddy!