Q: Do you know how to handle any emotion?

 

I was teaching a lesson in church when a leader came in and asked the girls for help.

He announced that the boys had a project planned for Valentine's Day.

A project for the widows and single women in our neighborhood.

 

All of the youth were going to make little gifts for the widows and single women and he wanted their help with a sentiment that could be used on a note for each woman.

 

I said, “Hey! I’m a widow! That’s for me!”

And it’s for another one of the women I serve with as well.

Two out of three of us who serve the youth this way are widows! Can you believe it?!!

 

This is the fifth Valentine’s Day I am spending as a widow.

 

Do I count on my child to make sure that Valentine’s is a great day for me?

I do not.

 

So, what’s my strategy for Valentine’s Day?

 

I know that I get to create any experience I want to on Valentine’s Day.

I do this through the thoughts I choose to think about.

I do this by deliberately choosing to allow any feeling that I might feel.

 

Every year is different.

I’m good with that.

 

Trusting myself to be able to allow any emotion is my secret weapon.

 

Do I need the youth to give me a Valentine’s gift in order to have a good day?

I don’t.

But I choose to like the idea of it.

It sounds very sweet.

 

Do I need Coleman to make sure I’m remembered?

I don’t.

 

What if I don’t think about it much at all? Is that ok?

Yes. It is.

 

What if it’s really hard and I cry a lot? Is that ok?

Yes. It is.

 

I hear this one from other people who are experiencing grief:

But shouldn’t I be farther along by now? I mean it’s been five years.

 

To that I say:

There is no timeline for grief.

 

Think about these questions instead:

• Am I allowing the emotions I have?

• Do I know how to process my emotions or am I shoving them down or letting them take over my life?

• Have I received help to learn how to allow my grief?

 

I love feeling grief.

I love the hard sobs that hit out of nowhere.

I love the joy that comes from the sorrow of deep remembering.

 

I’m not afraid of grief because I know what to do with it:

I feel it.

 

My experience on Valentine’s Day is what I choose it to be.

And whether you are grieving or not, your experience is what you choose it to be as well.

 

The thoughts you are having are creating what you feel.

Whether your partner lives up to your expectation or not today, you still get to choose how you feel about the day.

No matter what does or doesn’t go down on Valentine’s Day, you can feel loved and wanted.

Simply because you choose to feel loved and wanted.

 

Consider telling yourself, “I love Valentine’s Day. I think about the people I love. I know it will be a great day. I am loved and wanted.”

 

And then try to remember it.

Believe it.

No matter what happens or doesn’t happen.

No matter what gift was or wasn’t given.

No matter what time was or wasn’t made.

Whether your partner read your mind correctly or not, you can believe it is a great day.

 

Happy Valentine’s Day to all of you!

I’m good.

I’m believing that you are good, too.

I love you, you know.

 

Q: Do you know how to handle any emotion?

 

It’s the secret weapon for every day, Valentine’s or not.

 

Sending love,

K