Q: How intentional are you about the little, everyday decisions in your life and business?

 

You probably live an intentional life.

But I’m going to make a case for up-leveling your intentionality and how to do it.

 

I had a conversation recently with Coleman.

He’s a teenager now and that means he’s not in my line of vision as much as he used to be.

He is involved in cool things that I’m not around for.

I drop him off and pick him up now whereas in the old days, I hung around the practice or rehearsal.

 

We have some electric scooters that are the transportation of choice right now for him and his friends.

He told me that they were going on a scooter ride.

This is normal and I didn’t think anything of it.

 

Two hours later…

 

I looked on Find My Friends and he was in a place that I wasn’t expecting.

It wasn’t where he said he was going.

 

I had him come home because it was a school night and he had been gone long enough.

But throughout our short text exchange I was constantly asking myself, “Ok, what do I want to have happen here?”

Then I tried to act in a way that helped me create what I actually wanted…open communication with my child.

 

It required intention on my part.

It required mind management so that I didn’t jump to conclusions.

It required emotional regulation so that I didn’t just get angry.

It required pausing for a minute and taking a calming breath so that I could show up as the parent that I wanted to be.

 

All of this was intentional.

 

We had a conversation about the scooters later that night.

The intention continued.

 

“What do I want to have happen here?” I asked myself.

Answer: I want open communication with my child.

I want to reinforce how to use your inner compass to make decisions.

I want to show love.

I want to enforce a relatable consequence if necessary.

 

“What is the best way to make that happen?” was the next question.

Answer: Don’t freak out.

Don’t get mad.

See if I can draw out the reason why he felt like he didn’t want to tell me where he was going.

Don’t freak out about the answer.

Listen and ask questions.

Don’t condemn. Communicate.

Listen for understanding.

Be calm.

Give him loving, physical touch during the conversation.

Teach without lecturing.

Help him see how this is an example of using/not using his inner compass.

Plan what he’ll do next time and what consequence there will be.

 

I have already decided that this is how I want to intentionally communicate with Coleman.

But I had to remind myself of what that feels like, looks like and sounds like during this situation.

 

And let’s be clear.

It wasn’t that big of a deal.

He went somewhere without telling me because he kind of wanted to hide it.

 

He was safe.

He was in the neighborhood.

He has gone farther away many times before.

 

It really wasn’t a big deal.

And the whole process for me took about 10 minutes total.

 

But when I am intentional about how I show up for the things that aren’t that big of a deal, my ability to be intentional about the bigger stuff increases.

 

I’m creating the habit of being intentional.

It strengthens my desired go-to behavior.

Intentionality becomes my default.

 

Being intentional about the little decisions teaches us how to be intentional about the big decisions.

 

Here’s what being intentional looked like with an even smaller decision the next morning after the scooter convo:

 

Coleman: Mom, you need to take me to school.

Me: Why are you late for the bus?

Coleman: *giggles*

Me: You need to get up and ready with enough time to get to the bus. I’ll take you only when it’s necessary.

Coleman: *sheepishly* Ok.

 

I still had a similar intention in creating open communication with Coleman.

But this time, I was not seeking to draw out why he was late to the bus.

He is very capable of making the bus each morning.

So, I just set the expectation that I will not be his ride to school unless he has to go early for SBO or something like that.

 

Small decision.

Still intentional.

Still creating what I want to have happen.

My actions are still in line with what I want to create.

But it looked and sounded different than the scooter conversation.

 

That’s being intentional.

 

Invitation: think about being intentional with the smallest decision you can this week.

 

Tune into when you are making some kind of choice…what to buy at the grocery store, which direction to go on your morning run, how often you make eye contact with a stranger, where you sit in that meeting coming up, how often you ask a question instead of giving an answer…

 

The opportunities to be intentional are everywhere.

And actively thinking about what you want to have happen with the little things strengthens the muscle of living with intentionality.

 

We get better at it.

It becomes ingrained in our very being so that when we are not living intentionally, we notice it faster.

We can make corrections easier.

And we set ourselves up for being intentional with the big decisions.

 

Q: How intentional are you about the little, everyday decisions in your life and business?

 

This email gives you a blueprint of how to increase your intention today.

Intention is fun! Let me know how you’re making it happen at a higher level.

I look forward to hearing about it.

 

Sending love,

K