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Processing information is hard for me now.
Instructions.
Problem solving.
Tasks.

It’s all difficult.
My brain is slower. I’m forgetful.
If it requires me to make sense of instructions, I feel my mind rejecting anything beyond the first few sentences.🥺
I’m not really worried about it - it’s part of grieving and will probably get better with some more time.

I lost my pancreas nine years ago.
I am now a pseudo-diabetic and insulin-dependent.
A few months ago my insulin pump’s warranty expired, the company was discontinuing the production of new ones and my supplies were running out.
I had to get a new pump.

But I couldn’t even click on Tandem's website, much less figure out how to apply for a new one.😱
My nemesis, those pesky instructions of how to get the job done, loomed large.

I saw my friend at church. 
She’s a diabetic and so is her daughter. They already had the new pump.

“I’m having a hard time figuring out what to do,” I said.
She didn’t hesitate to reply, “I’ll help you.”

It was one of those moments, though.
A moment when, for a couple of seconds, I could feel my self-talk pulling on me:
“I should be able to do it myself.
It should be so easy to figure out.
Just do it yourself, Kolette.”🙇🏻‍♀️

Then I got real.
Who was I kidding??!!
This was totally hard for me to figure out!
I said, “Yes, I’d love the help.”

She sent me a little list of things to do.
Offered to help me fill out the paperwork.

My pump arrived in the mail.
I bypassed the instruction sheet and headed to Brooke’s house.🏠
She got my pump set up.
And taught me how to refill the cartridge.

I went back a few day’s later to refill it again.
I needed double the lessons.
She gave me a card with super simple steps for how to refill it at home.
Three days later I pulled out the card and did it myself.
And again three days after that.

I don’t need that card anymore.
I can refill my cartridge on my own.🙌🏻

I tuned into a Facebook event yesterday from Tandem. They have received FDA approval for a new system. As I listened I kept thinking, “Brooke will tell me what this is all about.”
She reads the instructions for me.
Because right now I have a hard time doing it myself.

Thanks, Brooke.
For offering exactly what I actually need.
It’s a bigger deal than you think it is, girl.💙