Q: Do you regularly accomplish everything on your to-do list?

 

“If I don’t have high expectations for myself then I won’t do anything.”

 

I’ve heard this twice in the last week.

One client puts double the amount of tasks to accomplish on his daily to-do list, knowing he will only have time to get through half of them.

Another client says that she must work 12-hour days in order to “work hard enough” to get the result she wants.

 

They set unreachable expectations for themselves on purpose.

Because they are afraid that if they don’t, they will just do nothing instead.

 

They want to have grit and determination.

And not being able to achieve their self-imposed expectations is an opportunity to test that grit.

 

They test themselves daily with the unreachable promises they have made to themselves.

They wonder…will I keep going even when I don’t measure up to my expectations?

 

There is fear. Fear that if their expectations for themselves aren’t outlandish, they will DO NOTHING, instead.

They will play video games all day.

Or never write another email for their list.

Or never sign another client.

Or never do ANYTHING on their over-inflated to-do list.

 

But it’s what comes next that becomes the real problem.

 

The shame they feel from not measuring up.

The self-flagellation that must occur by beating themselves with the half-finished to-do list.

The frantic redirection of discouragement to something more positive and action-oriented.

 

“Well, tomorrow is a new day,” they say brightly, as they transfer the non-accomplished tasks from today to tomorrow’s list.

 

They are committed to grit their way through it.

Because the alternative is unthinkable.

They are afraid that if they don’t overwork, over-expect and overachieve, they will do nothing.

 

My client had taken two hours off to celebrate three of her children’s birthdays (yes, three share the same birthday!)

She told herself, “Tomorrow I’m going to show up bigger because I took off 2 hours today.”

She felt pressure.

 

But what if this isn’t the formula for success?

What if hard work doesn’t actually have to feel so hard?

What if pressure doesn’t have to join you in creating a thriving business and family life?

 

Success doesn’t have to look like setting over-the-top expectations for ourselves.

You don’t have to double your to-do list in order to be motivated to achieve.

 

And you definitely don’t have to feel ashamed of letting people down because of your misguided belief that uber-high-expectations are necessary.

 

Here’s what you do instead.

Just notice what is happening.

How are you feeling? Stressed? Pressured? Anxious? Defeated?

 

Just notice that.

 

Take a deep breath.

And give yourself some grace.

Recognize that there is another way than overscheduling and over-expecting.

 

Take another breath.

And tell yourself it’s ok that you thought this was the way to create success.

We’ve all been taught this.

 

Then remind yourself that there is another way.

Success doesn’t have to feel so hard.

It can actually feel calm and connected and present.

 

You’re not going to do NOTHING.

(Although maybe an afternoon doing nothing would be good for you.)

 

You’re going to do all that you need to do - and you’ll feel abundant instead of urgent.

You’ll feel focused instead of pressure.

 

You’ll even feel motivated.

 

Success doesn’t have to feel so hard.

Take a breath and message me. I can help.

Sending love,

K