Q: Do you ever think that it’s your job to make sure your kids have fun?

 

My son is playing rec basketball.

His team is the worst.

Literally.

They have won zero games.

 

He thought they had a chance against the other team who also has won zero games.

But we’re still the ones who have lost every time.

That other team now has one win under their belt.

 

As his mom, it’s a little brutal watching it go down each week.

But I know it feels more brutal for him to lose every time.

 

They were scheduled to play a very challenging team and Coleman was dreading it.

He asked if he could miss it. He knew what would happen on the court that day.

 

We talked about how they need him to play. To be a leader. He’s good at boosting morale.

 

Then I asked him, “How are you going to choose to have fun, no matter what the score is?”

 

He looked at me like I was crazy.

How could he have fun when they would get blown away?

That sounded terrible and embarrassing.

 

But fun is a choice.

 

It’s a feeling we have because we are thinking thoughts that create the feeling of fun.

So we came up with thoughts he might have during the game that would help him create fun.

 

I asked him, “Who are you going to be no matter what the scoreboard says?”

 

We are not victims of external factors like numbers on a wall inside a gym.

There is always a choice to feel what we want to feel.

 

After the game (they lost by 30 points, BTW), Coleman said, “That was fun.”

Then followed it up with, “But it’s because my friends were on the other team.”

 

I stopped him right there.

That’s not why it was fun.

It was fun because he decided to think it was fun.

That’s it.

He could have played against his friends and felt mad or ashamed or irritated that they lost by 30 points.

He could have.

But he didn’t.

Because he chose to think something different.

He chose to believe that it was fun to play against his friends.

He chose to make jokes with them throughout the game.

He chose to have fun.

 

Fun is a decision.

 

Calm is a decision.

Peace is a decision.

Expansiveness is a decision.

 

So is pressure.

And stress.

And busy-ness.

And worry.

 

You get to choose exactly how you feel about your work, your family, your life.

You get to choose if you feel light and determined about your to-do list.

You get to choose if you feel calm and confident about how you spend your time.

 

Emotions are decisions.

They are created by the thoughts we are thinking.

 

Coleman chose to feel fun.

You can, too.

Sending love,

K